Nice try foot

So for any of you out there who have ever tried to lose weight, strike that, ever tried to improve themselves in any way, you have probably experienced the inevitable roadblocks.  My mind is suddenly being swarmed right now with the BILLIONS of stupid things that have gotten in my way.  I read a book that my friend Ben gave me called "The war of Art".  This book had a section in it talking about resistance, and went on to discuss all of the personality traits of resistance.  Resistance is basically anything that gets in the way of you achieving your goals.  I happen to believe this resistance in most cases to be the evil side of the spiritual war we tend to forget we are in.  It's pretty simple to understand, for me I ask myself a few questions.  

1.) How come I never "Just don't have time to eat junk food?"

- I blame resistance for the fact that I never hear myself say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I just don't have time for that donut to finish frying, I guess I'll just eat this banana."

2.) How come I never get sick when I'm trying to see how much TV I can watch in a week?

- I blame resistance for always leaving me alone when I'm doing absolutely nothing good for myself.

3.)  How come I can eat 3500 calories in one day without even realizing it but it takes 8 hours on the eliptical to burn through them.

- (3500 calories is equal to one pound of fat for those of you who didn't know that)

- this book talks about how resistance can be a compass, if something is really hard and everything in the world is trying to stop you, then you know you are on the right track.

This may sound like a really negative attitude about life but I assure you it is not.  I am letting the challenge of this endeavor fuel my fire.  Losing weight is like getting rich, It's entirely up to you.  I'm not saying they are both something everyone needs to do but they are both something that most people want yet never seem to take responsibility for.  One thing that I needed to confess and TRULY BELIEVE was that losing weight is my responsibility.  I know that sounds obvious to some of you but I have said some things in the past that I really believed but were absolute lies.

Excuse #1.  I have a slow metabolism

My new response # 1.  That's too bad, I guess you need twice as much time at the gym than normal people

Excuse #2.  Maybe I was just meant to be like this (this makes sense to those of us who have always been overweight)

My new response #2.  Nobody is destined to be unhealthy, and this belly wasn't lowered from the heavens and attached to my body by angels.

Excuse #3.  I'm just big-boned

My new response #3.  Yes, you are.  You are also fat.  The two have nothing in common

There are a lot more of these types of lies out there for all of us and I think we all know what they are.  The hard part is just admitting that we are guilty.

I want to encourage people but I also don't want to be offensive so I will say the following

It MAY NOT be your fault that you got fat, are prone to be fat, or have a slow metabolism, but it is your fault if you STAY fat.  Nobody is going to lose weight for you, Obama is way too busy for that.  You have to convince yourself that you need to lose weight like you need water, or need to graduate school, or show up for work everyday.  We live in a culture that makes losing weight optional.  Going to work is not optional for most of us, if you don't show up you get fired.  If you don't drink water you die, if you don't shower you will smell, If you don't sleep you will be tired, and IF YOU DON'T WORK HARD AT LOSING WEIGHT YOU WILL BE FAT.  For me, this is not optional.  I have to put it above everything else, because for 26 years it has been optional, and 100% of the time I've opted to not do it.  I love my wife and she is letting me make this mandatory.  It's not that she is giving me permission to obsess over it, she lets me spend extra money on healthier food, buy new shoes for the gym, buy a bike, not see her as much because I'm at the gym.  I am lucky that she does not enable me to be fat.  She asks me if I went to the gym, I know that if I stop going, she is going to ask and I will have to say no.  I don't want to say no.  There are a ton of ways that she supports me but the number one most important thing is that I don't hear "You're fine just the way you are", what I do hear is "Erik, if you want to lose weight then go do it".  She is right, she's not telling me that I need to lose weight, she's telling me that it's my job to go do it.

I can remember a reason why every attempt to lose weight for me has failed in the past.  Sometimes it was getting sick, I would just take a break and never return.  Vacation always has a way of getting you, I don't believe you have to workout on vacation it was just that I didn't workout when I got home from vacation.  Schedule changes, new jobs, sickness, snow, headaches, sore muscles, not enough money, midterms, stress, these are legitimate things that happen in life but they don't keep us from drinking water so they shouldn't keep us from losing weight. 

All of these thoughts have recently been brought on by my new one, my new sneaky little resistance, my perfect-timing, bloody, puss-dripping, swollen, can barely walk, INGROWN TOENAIL.  Am I going to let this take me down, well, for a couple of days I have no choice, but I am recognizing this for what it is.  This is resistance asking me if I'm serious this time.  Do I really mean it?  Can I return to the gym?  I'll just stay fat, I have an ingrown toenail.  I'll just stay fat, I have an ingrown toenail.  I'll just stay fat, I have an ingrown toenail.  Yes, I typed that 3 times, because of how stupid it sounds, yet it truly has the power to ruin everything.  I think I might have fixed it last night, with Jess by my side, mocking my pain and telling me to just pull it out.  Really?  Just pull it out?  It hurts.  Really bad.  I think I pulled it out.  There is still some healing to take place but I'm going to lift weights today, even if my foot falls off.  My foot probably weighs about 10 pounds so that would just put me 10 pounds closer to my goal.